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| At times I'm so self destructive
with no intent or motive,
but behind this emotion
lies my sensible heart.
Every now and again sometimes
I get lost on the wind of a dream.
The air gets clean and the seas get wide,
and I can do anything.
The pain it won't even cross my mind.
There is wonder in everything.
The ropes get loose and the chains unbind,
and I can do anything.
So drown me, if you canOr we could just have conversation.
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| Yay for me having the greatest friends ever. Kim completely pulled off the surprise party, and nobody blew it so I had no clue. I think I almost peed my pants when I saw Beth lurking in the corner, or Melly come popping through the door. Ahh goodness! It was a marathon of a night.
I missed my Dad so much. He really does mean the world to me and is completely my hero. I like being able to have chats with him. My brobro called, it was awkward, but I miss that boy too. Only 11 more months and he's home.
I think Boy might be using me. No good. It could just be that he's still confused and unsure, and that's the one I'm hoping for. Guess we've both got some time to figure out where this could go.
It's going to be quite some time til I see everyone again. When I do, it'll be when I'm a resident of Ohio again.
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| List of things I need to do:
- Get passport
- Readings for Friday class (I'm supposed to lead the discussion)
- Relearn sign language
- Buy plane tickets for Birthday trip home
- Call CCAD and schedule tour
- Clean the entire apartment
It's really not that much to do, I just have to get started. Chicago is chilly, but I'm surviving it rather well. I will say it gets a point against me though because I'm sick. Bastard city sneaking it's germ attacks at me.
I'm supposed to be changing humble abode's in about 3 1/2 months. That's exciting. I can't wait to make my mounted Unicorn head. It'll be weird to not live alone anymore. I would say that I think talking to myself would get cut down, but who am I kidding? I'm also hoping that moving will allow me to catch up with the people that I've drifted from, that'll be nice. I hope that changing schools will work out for the best for me.
I just want to feel home.
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| I'm make believing everything is all right. And when I'm around you, it's not always so hard. But when I'm not is when it all gets tricky. Please stop making me worry and doubt. I like the happiness you give me. Keep that going, and give me some signal that all the bad stuff is in my head.
I got a new camera for Christmas. I'm so attached. This must be what it's like to have kids.
Kim and I are in love. We pretty much could just talk for each other at this point. In fact we pretty much just say the same things all the time anyway. That girl is real good. She's got real gumption.
P.S. Will you seriously just come meet my dad and be done with it!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Edit: Thank you on the first part. I feel relieved.
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| I had my first exhibit. The opening went well enough. Not fantastically as planned, but well enough. I wish Kim could've been there to hold my hand, but Beth did a damn good job. Not so much hand holding, but she did offer. My dad used the word "proud" and that definitely made it worth it.
Christmas break starts in 9 days. Working for Aero over the holidays. Planning on doing as much holiday activities as possible. Coordinating between 3 peoples schedules and family time. I've got to have the serious sit down talk with my Dad. And spend some realistic time with my Bestest and my Boy. For 5 weeks I'll have a normal relationship.
My brain has been having panic attack after freakout after breakdown for the past week or so. It needs to quit, because I'm not even sure why it's happening. Apparently I have a lot to worry about, so much so that I can't put words to it. Personally, I think my head is just giving me sass. Back off Sassy-pants!
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